Thursday, February 09, 2006

Hallowed friends--

It's possible to have an all-Rachel weekend this weekend, if you think you can take it. Can you? You tell me.

Friday night, at 8pm, catch a performance of my world-famous critical smash Sequins for Satan at Galapagos at 8pm.

Saturday night, catch me in CATCH, a performance series featuring many emerging and fully lucid artist at 7pm OR 9pm.

also at Galapagos. I can't leave.

And where is this place, I hear you cry. Weep no more, fair ones. I shall tell you.

Galapagos is located at 70 N.6th Street, between Wythe and Kent. Simply take the L train to Bedford Avenue, take a right on N.6th, and walk until you're there. There are drinks and friends and even and ATM machine. Just come.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sequins For Satan when quite well on Friday.

We're in New York Magazine, and L magazine calls us "wild, sprawling, irreverent, politically charged, and uncategorizable." Stephen says I can't use that, because it's what the press agent wrote, but who cares? They're the ones who printed it!

Check it out this Friday, February 10, 8pm, Galapagos for more details, or just scroll down, lazy!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


Hello dear ones!

Well, it's about that time!

my latest play, the new and improved "Sequins for Satan" is
opening Friday night! i am sure that champagne will be
flowing afterwards as we retire to our posh hotel suite to
anxiously await our fate the morning newspapers. and when
it is proclaimed a hit, oh how we shall rejoice! we shall
leave our spouses and run off with the leading actors. we
shall buy aston-martins. and more importantly, we shall
spend our evenings at sardi's, posing for our portraits and
receiving our well-wishers as richard rodgers looks on

don't you want to be a part of that?

Sequins for Satan is part of the new EVOLVE series at

Galapagos is located at 70 N.6th, between Wythe and Kent,
in the Burg of William.

the show shall commence at 8 in the evening, and can be
enjoyed on the 3, 10, 17, and 24 of february, which from
now on shall be known not as "Black History Month" but
"Rachel Shukert/Black History Month."

It is directed by the incomprable Stephen Brackett and is a
co-production with the Fetty.

It stars many attractive people who may or may not sleep
with you.

Here is what you can expect:
Deranged children, Tenessee Williams' Grandmas, Hasidic
Landlords, Ancient Men of Wisdom, Possessed Woodland
Creatures, Pop Stars, and yes, the one and only Liza
Minnelli gather but once a year.
In the Dark Forest. And there they face an evil so deep, so
dangerous, so disturbing. that to look directly in its face is
to see the face of.... SATAN.

And he's wearing Bob Mackie.

Plus new songs and dances!

Please be there! It would make me so happy

Oh, and also, we have decided that Paris Latsis is attractive.

"PARIS LATSIS!!!!" we hear you cry. "Why he's OVER! DEFUNCT! FORSAKEN! ABANDONED! That isn't even his last name! He probably isn't even rich!"

Yes. That is all true. But we need our B. to come back. Go easy on us. And anyway, I'm pretty sure it was he who did the leaving. I don't think they were even engaged. I don't even think they know each other. Just as I don't think Paris Hilton was friends with Nicole Richie before "The Simple Life." Paris has no history. Paris was not a child. Paris was created fully formed in a laboratory by a couple of nerdy yet horny scientists, a la Kelly LeBrock in weird science. You can tell because they fucked up her eyes. Nobody with organs has weird assymetrical glass eyes like that. Throw a baseball at her face and see what happens. I know this is old news, but distance gives us perspective.

I was eating my salmon teriyaki bento box for luncheon, and was surprised to hear the usual Japanese power pop ballads (and if you haven't heard Ayumi Hamasaki, you really owe it to yourself) replaced with fellow Jewess and gay icon Bette Midler's "From a Distance."

I have fond memories of singing that song as a child, accompanied by my father playing on the "Electric Piano" setting of his Clavinova, and I always imagined it as a sort of idealistic bastardization of John Lennon's "Imagine", that is if John Lennon impregnated Diane Warren; she had an abortion and smeared the blood across a sheet of composition paper and then played the smudges on a Clavinova, but to my surprise, IT'S NOT!

Maybe it's just the mood I'm in. But I don't think so. Here are the lyrics, just to refresh you memory.

From a distance, the world looks blue and green
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance there is harmony
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man.
From a distance, we all have enough
And no one is in need.
There are no guns, no bombs, no diseases,
No hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance, you look like my friend
Even though we are at war.
From a distance I cannot comprehend
What all the fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
It's the heart of every man.
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance.

So basically, this song is saying--everything is absolute shit, what with people dying of horrible diseases and starvation and killing each other for no reason. But like so many people you wind up going home with at bars out of politeness, everything looks fine from a distance. And since this is the favorable vantage point from which God is watching us, because apparently God, unlike the paparazzi, does not have a zoom function, there is nothing that He will ever do about it. Therefore, what is the point of God even existing? Or astronauts?

So what I had always thought was a sort of feel-good, swing choir friendly, baby-boomer, just because I have a Clavinova doesn't mean I'm not still a hippie anthem is actually a existential, atheist screed on the irrelevance of religion! Good on you, Bette Midler!

Tomorrow: "Wind Beneath My Wings"--wistful song of friendship, or Ayn Randian paean to selfishness? YOU BE THE JUDGE!