Sunday, November 06, 2005

HOW I LOVE THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON! AND NOW, A POEM.


Blind Item

I’m the Queen of Sheba!
I’m a catfish!
I’m an alcoholic!
I’m the President of the Clean Plate Club!
I’m a Vietnam vet!
I’m a voyager on the Starship Enterprise!
I’m an alien slave girl in a fur bikini dancing for a shackled William Shatner!
I’m a prostitute!
I’m a crystal meth dealer!
I’m a lady-in-waiting to her Most Serene and Royal Majesty!
I’m the Grand Vizier!
I’m a person who gets perms!
I’m your grandma’s ceramics instructor!
I’m a rapist!
I’m the guy who killed your Lord!
I’m the Nobel Peace Prize!
I’m Zip the Pinhead!
I’m a deeply sensual woman!
I’m fucking your dad and your husband!
I’m Nancy Reagan!
I’m the World’s Fattest Man!
I’m masturbating!
I’m a leprous beggar swathed in robes woven from my own filth!
I’m a pop-star sibling with a show on Nickelodeon!
I’m a murderer of children!
I’m a child who murders!
I’m sorry, but I’m just on my way out the door!
I’m contagious!
I’m a paid companion with poor personal hygiene!
I’m missing two fingers on my left hand!
I’m the Avon lady!
I’m a shipwrecked sailor, dragging what’s left back to shore!

1 Comments:

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