Monday, August 29, 2005

Two Newish Poems!

I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I
Keep saying “FABULOUS,” and
I’m a fireman!
She looks totally insane these days
Covered in jelly, naked, with a little bell tied
Around her scrotum and you know,
Your mood swings don’t really affect me anymore.
Not like smearing your spunk on a
Tortilla, and then leaving it around for
The housekeeper to find.
Your penis! Set it on fire!
It’ll look like a cross between Liza
And that thing she married for a while
But sadly I don’t fear the sun. I just want the
Publicity of a thousand Margaret Thatchers
As I look for a survivor to burn.

Formal, conscientious, and proper,
The cheese curl lover is potent,
Mork and Mindy when an innocent
Afternoon snack let all hell break loose.
Ever wonder how smart you are?
Like so smart you can see through to
The other side of stupid?
Insanity is not an option when you
Can’t get cheese and onion flavored
Crisps anymore. It’s all Bavarian cheddar
And shallot, and experts say that the smell of
Dead cicadas is just about right when choosing
A Limburger. My mother says cocks smell like cheese
And that’s why she was a lesbian
For three weeks in 1974.


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