Thursday, August 18, 2005

Things We Learned in Our Sleep Last Night

1. There is one, constantly active lava volcano in North American, and it lies between the Alice Mountains and the Ricky Martin Desert in Mexico.
2. We don't speak its name out loud, as we didn't speak Uncle Henry's name out loud.
3. Uttering Henry's name meant one could expect a call from the bus station at any moment.
4. Uttering the volcano's means you and yours will soon melt away in a pool of boiling liquid magma.
5. If its a choice between Bob Dylan and you high school boyfriend, Bob Dylan all the way.
6. Bob Dylan may not stay with you forever, but Bob Dylan!
7. Torture your high school boyfriend with your new love affair. Say, "I know we said we'd stay friends, but tonight I'm dropping acid with Bobby," or "Bobby's playing a show at Town Hall tonight. I'd invite you backstage, but we'll probably be fucking."
8. Thailand is a major cheese exporter.
9. Holland also makes cheese, but not in Grand Central Station. That's only the Thai.
10. There is no life in the Ricky Martin Desert. Not a scuttling cicada. Nothing.

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