Saturday, August 20, 2005

The man with whom I dwell in sin is watching marathon sessions of the HBO drama "Deadwood" lately, a trap I have mostly been able to avoid. I'm told it's a very good show, but honestly, there's only so much room in my life for TV series. Besides, having grown up in a place where every fall I was forced to wear a bandana and parade through a city filled with fat people dressed as pioneers (see Roundup, River City) I have a vague distaste for all things Wild Western. I was, however, alerted to a small exchange earlier today.

"You ever get some of that Nebraska pussy?" said a craggy, unshaven man in a bolo tie to an unwashed youth, grinning with helpful menace.
"No sir, I ain't never did." said the youth.
"You get some of that Nebraska pussy. You ain't never had nothing like it. You never forget your Nebraska pussy. That there's the finest pussy in the west." said the craggy man, at which point Ricky Jay piped in with something oddly Mamet-ian, like "I still remember fucking my first pussy in Nebraska. That was some fine fucking pussy. I remember that pussy fondly. Did you, I mean, did you ever fuck a pussy you remember fucking fondly, motherfucker?"

Later that afternoon, we repaired to the bar, where at my urging Shafer developed a cocktail dubbed the "Nebraskunt" (emphasis on the Kunt) and proceeded to serve me nothing else for the remainder of the evening. I am sure it will follow the Kamikaze, the Screaming Orgasm, and the Gestapo in notoreity. I believe it contains vodka, orange juice, and Chambord, and if you add the Chambord last and watch it seep through the glass, it sort of looks like getting your period! Fun! Enjoy alone or with friends (although if you're alone, I hope you're at home because otherwise, you're going to need someone to help you get there) and pontificate on famous Nebraskan vaginas through history. Here's a list to help you get started:

1. Mine
2. Willa Cather's
3. Dorothy McGuire's
4. Bess Streeter Aldrich's
5. Adele Astaire's
6. Gerald Ford's Mom's
7. Jaime King's
8. Conor Oberst's

Have fun! Drink responsibly!

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