Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The flu has invaded my body. It has sucked out all memory of joy, health, happiness. I feel that I have never left my apartment, nor has my apartment ever been without me. We are one. I am like Conan enslaved, chained to his wheel as snow falls and years pass and he becomes Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The flu is my enemy. I long to crush it, to sow its fields with salt. I wish to hear the lamentations of its women.

"WISH...TO....HEEYAH....DUH...LAHMENTAYSHUNTZ...OF...DEYAH...VIMUN." This is AHNOLD speaking, not me.

Arnold and I are one. We have never left each other. Our bodies melt into one, like a two giant and extremely muscular Hershey kisses. In Hell. Do M&M's melt in Hell?

Billy Graham says Hell might be a place of freezing cold. An Ice Age. I've never known Billy Graham to be wrong about anything. He said God does not hear the prayers of a Jew (although presumably He hears the lamentations of our women), and God is sure as hell not hearing my prayers right now, because I want to not have the flu anymore.

Oh, by the way, I filmed a national commercial for Chase Manhattan Bank on Sunday. I also performed at Galapagos on Monday night, along with my friend Patrick, the illustrious Mangina of song and legend. But I'll write that up when I can handle it, and not when my brain is slowly becoming a lipid.

In the meanwhile, a couple of poems for you.

Parenting

It takes a village to raise a child; but
If that village is that creepy Amish
Hippie one in the shitty movie I watched
Last night;
I think I’d just leave the kid to die
Of exposure in the Andes
Like the disfigured Inca babies of yesteryear.
I’d leave it with a small purse of cacao leaves to chew, though
To stave off the hunger pains.
I mean, I have my ideals, but
I’m not made of wood.

8.
My sweet Prince;
In the wake of separation
The victim was found with
A pentagram carved on her chest. A victim of the
Nightlife. There’s a young man far from home
In the mutilated backwoods.
Here the members
Of the cult killed the ballerina
With sarcastic language and from
That moment on, I declared myself a
Member of the reality-based community.
For no more “tragic suicides”
Or former Romanian gymnasts are going to
Interfere with my relationship.

1 Comments:

Blogger Leslye said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read.

12:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home